Naruto's sexy jutsu
by ratpigeon
Summary: Naruto has been using his sexy jutsu a lot lately. So much so, that he's starting to feel almost at home in it. insanity warning. P.S I don't own Naruto.
1. Chapter 1

NARUTO UZUMAKI'S _SEXY JUTSU_.

Naruto was confused. He's never put any claims to being particularly bright, but he didn't think it was fair that people called him stupid all the time. He was just…distractable, and excitable, but that was really a good thing, right? Either way, it was besides the point. The point, and problem, and cause of confusion was his _sexy jutsu_. It always worked so well on Pervy-sage, that he'd been spending more and more time in it. Now he was getting disoriented at odd moments, thinking he should have boobs and long hair. All in all, he couldn't always remember if he was meat to be a boy or a girl… Then there was that odd stray image of Sasuke that occasionally popped into his head when he was persuading Pervy-sage to do his job as _sensei_…Naruto blushed in the darkness of his room, and locked that thought away, he was never, _ever_ going to let it see the light of day, or the dark of night, again. Grinding his teeth, Naruto locked his hands together, stretching out the tightly clenched fists. There was a pop, and smoke began to drift through the room. Naruto sat bolt upright, wondering if the village was under attack. A blond ponytail waved in front of his face, and he realised abruptly that his pyjamas and even his favourite hat-thing had vanished (Naruto had called it _boshi-san_ – mister hat – and counted it among his close friends).

Naruto stood up, the artistically modest swirls of smoke following him as he began to panic. He hadn't meant to set off a _jutsu_, he had that much control at least, right? What if he couldn't get back into his own body? He'd never be able to win Sakura as a _girl_…but maybe he could win Sas- NO! Naruto spun on his heel and brought his hands together.

"Release!" He yelled, putting the full weight of his chakra behind it, nothing happened.

"_Release_!" There was still no effect.

"RELEASE!" The smoke disappeared, leaving Naruto standing completely naked, in a girl's body in the middle of the night…his room was cold. Darting back to his bed, Naruto wrapped the blankets around his shoulders and stared blankly at the wall. _Girl…I'm a Girl…I can't show up like this…what do I do? _WHY ME? …What happens if I try to put clothes on?

This was just a random outlet for insanity, but still, it must be pretty confusing to go around changing into a girl all the time. Also, I'm not quite sure _why_ the jutsu set off by itself, and why he can't release it. Maybe the nine-tailed Fox is also a perv… ~Ratpigeon.


	2. Chapter 2

NARUTO UZUMAKI'S _SEXY JUTSU_.

Naruto surveyed his _her?_ appearance in the mirror. Some fast scissor work had rendered the problem of the long blond ponytails unsolvable, but if he could just make his body _look_ male, and stop his clothes from turning into tastefully tactful smoke when he put them on…

"Hey, Naruto! You may go off with Jiraiya-sensei all the time, but we still have training. If you're not out in five minutes, I'm coming in to get you, and you'd better be decent."

"Ah! Sakura! No, don't come in!" Naruto squeaked, grabbing a sheet and hiding behind the door.

"Naruto? Is something wrong with your voice?"

"No, no! I'm absolutely fine, just _don't come in_!"

"What's taking so long? At this rate, even Kakashi-sensei will have shown up before we get there." Naruto felt a slight smile involuntarily cross his face. It was-

"Sasuke! How are you? Naruto won't come out of his room…"

"Then go get him."

"But he's a _boy_!" Naruto almost laughed at that, desperately wondering what was worse, reports of a butt-naked blonde chick fleeing through the village, or having to face his team-mates as a butt-naked blonde chick.

"Fine, I'll get him." On hearing that, Naruto made a snap decision, and seconds later, when Sasuke opened the door, there was nothing but an open window and a sheetless bed.

Naruto jumped from rooftop to rooftop, sprinting out of the village as fast as he could, before the Anbu black ops caught him for indecent exposure. There had to be someone who could help him…Grandma Tsunade?…no, she'd just laugh. Pervy-sage would say it was an improvement, probably Kakashi-sensei too…he just needed some way to reverse the jutsu…Suddenly, a flash of inspiration hit Naruto, a miracle in itself. Landing in a tree just outside the village, Naruto gripped the ends of the sheet in his teeth, and began to make a series of handsigns.

"Sexy _jutsu_!" Naruto could have cried with relief as he heard the familiar pop. He let the sheet fall to the ground, and sighed as he found himself standing in his pyjamas, _boshi-san_ on his head, and all of the clothes that had disappeared into smoke scattered on the ground around him.

"Naruto! What are you doing all the way out here, with all your clothes?" Sakura shouted, running up the road from the leaf village with Sasuke.

"…camping?" ventured Naruto, trying to summon his patented I'm-as-dumb-as-I-look grin. It didn't work. Sakura yelled at him, and Sasuke just stood there with a slightly amused/mocking expression.

At the leaf village hot springs, Jiraiya put down his research tools (binoculars), a stunned expression on his face.

"I just saw a sexy naked blond chick flying through the air…I can die happy, if that's what angels look like." And with that, Jiraiya leaned back to contemplate the deeper questions of life, such as how big was too big in the 'curves' department of life.

The End.


	3. Chapter 3

Continued at the request of I'LL-BE-THERE-4-U...hope you like it ^_^ ~Ratpigeon

Naruto waited for Sakura to stop chewing her- _his!_ HIS-HIS-HIS-HIS-HIS!!!- ear off.

"Why were you in your room if you were out camping?" Asked Sasuke in a voice that most definitely did _not_ send warm tingles down Naruto's spine.

"…breakfast? I forgot to pack breakfast?" Naruto asked nervously, wondering if he'd buy it. Neiji or even Hinata wouldn't with their freaky veiny eye thing, and Sasuke's Sharingan was nearly as bad.

"Oh." Sasuke lengthened his stride slightly, and Sakura fell silent as he walked past. _Watching him like a cow in heat_. Thought Naruto sourly. No, he didn't… wait yes he did, but he was jealous of Sasuke, not Sakura. Sakura was _his_ true love, and she was wasting gooey-eyes on Sasuke. That's what irked him. Naruto rubbed his fists together angrily, and then nearly spit his heart out as he heard a sickeningly familiar pop.

"****" Naruto jumped into a tree, clutching his smoke to him and hoping they didn't look up. Dumb hope, they were ninjas.

"Naruto?" Sasuke looked up into the branches of the tree. His eyes went very wide, and his face pale, his mouth moving soundlessly in a fish-like manner.

"Where is the beautiful flying blonde!! I must find her!" cried Jiraiya, running past. He'd given it a lot of thought and decided that however big that angel he saw (surely a sign that he was doing what God intended) was exactly right.

"SHUT UP!! You stupid Pervy-Sage! This is all your fault!" Naruto yelled from the tree, struggling not to look at Sasuke's expression so hard that something in his brain popped, and he forgot he was actually in a tree. Naked. With his teammates staring at him like they'd never seen a sexy naked chick before.

"It's her! You must marry me you beautiful, irresistible – Naruto?" Jiraiya stopped at the base of Naruto's tree, staring. "What are you doing?"

"It wasn't my idea! This is all your fault you stupid _pervert_! Summoning Jutsu!"


	4. Chapter 4

"What do you want, Jiraiya?" asked Gamabunta, settling down on his haunches and taking a puff on his pipe.

"I didn't summon you, the kid did. But could you just move a smidge to the side? Your blocking my view."

"Of what?" asked Gamabunta, turning ponderously around. When he saw Naruto, his eyes bulged.

"Wowee! Have you decided to reward me for my aid? Usually I accept 'baccy (tobacco) but this is fine too."

"I'm not rewarding you for anything! I summoned you! You have to do as I say! Now, sic Jirai-"

"No. I am not going to submit to a naked blond girl in ponytails. An idiot blond is bad enough when they've got clothes on. I have grandchildren to set an example for, you know."

"But, Chief!" Naruto covered his mouth as he heard the annoying, high-pitched, and most definitely girly whine. The horror was compounded when Sasuke found his voice.

"You are a disgrace to all Shinobi."

"No! It's not my fault! I didn't even mean to use the jutsu! It's Jiraiya's fault for making me be a girl all the time!" Naruto wailed, looking down at Sasuke, and hating the look of cold disgust and anger. He was used to it, but never to this degree, and the female hormones made it worse.

"Haha! I have created an angel of sexiness!" Jiraiya congratulated himself, grinning.

Naruto attacked.

Jiraiya didn't even bother to defend himself. Naruto was only a genin after all, completely incapable of hurting someone as magnificent as the toad moutain sage (*cough cough*). And those blond ponytails were _**so-**_

"AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!" Jiraiya fell to the ground, clutching his tenders. Naruto smiled in grim satisfaction, cracking his knuckles. If, _if_, there was anything good about being a girl, that was it, no weak spot. Wrapping his smoke more tightly around his shoulders, Naruto turned to see Sasuke walking away, shoulders stiff.

"Naruto! You are- you are such an _IDIOT_!!!" Yelled Sakura before running off after Sasuke, calling out: "Sasuke! It's okay! I know he's an idiot, but it's okay! We can go meet Kakashi together!"

This is probably going to wind down soon. If I come up with another good idea, I'll write it, but I don't want to drag this one into the mud. Please review!!!..._please_?~Ratpigeon


	5. Chapter 5

Naruto Dismissed Gamabunta, leaving a still writhing and groaning Jiraiya on the ground. With some difficulty, he managed to undo the _Sexy Jutsu_, this time it responded to 'release', instead. Cramming Boshi-san onto his head, he ran off after Sasuke, wanting to make things right. But only because they were team-mates.

Sakura had caught up to sasuke, who was leaning his forehead against a tree.

"Sasuke! Are you okay? That Naruto…"

"Go away, Sakura."

"What? Why? Are you angry because of-"

"Damn Naruto! He's always running around after Jiraiya like a puppy! After all we've been through! He has no shame! Why doesn't he just marry the perverted old man?!" Sasuke punched the tree, leaving a fist-shaped dent.

"Sasuke?"

"Go away, Sakura. You're annoying." Sasuke's voice was flat.

"How could you-"

"Simple. I don't like girls."

"Wah?" Naruto was standing at the edge of the clearing, eyes wide and mouth hangig open. "you- don't…gah." And with that, he sat down hard in the pile of clothes he had dropped, unaccountably happy. Damn jutsu.

"Oh…well, fine then. I'm going to find Ino." Said Sakura, glaring at Sasuke before turning on her heel and stalking off, grumbling. Sasuke didn't even watch her go, instead turning to Naruto, his eyes even more darkly intense than usual. Naruto swallowed, his throat as unaccountably dry as his mind, and other places…(Bad author! -*slap*) was happy.

"Naruto…I love you…" Naruto couldn't say anything as Sasuke came closer and closer. When he was kneeling in front of Naruto, the black eyes closed. Swallowing, Naruto rubbed his hands together, not sure wether to fight or flee. He was saved the decision by that sickeningly familiar pop.

I think this will be the end, you can use your imagination from here…but, I thought I'd finish after chapter two, so -*shrugs* if I get lots of reviews and such, I can probably come up with a few more chapters. If anyone thinks its really necessary (Further chapters will probably be attempts at removing this slight habit of changing genders, and dealing with an amorous Sasuke...) Thanks for reading! ^_^ ~Ratpigeon


	6. Chapter 6

Naruto wasn't sure whether to be glad or disappointed when he found himself sitting, once again, naked except for the twining smoke. His clothes were still scattered around him, but he knew better that to try and put them on...

"Damn you Naruto." Sasuke growled. For a moment, Naruto wasn't sure if Sasuke was going to attack, and tensed for the retributive strike, but it didn't come. "Do you hate me, or...?" Sasuke didn't finish the sentence as he turned and left, with all of the speed that he'd built up for his _Chidori _jutsu.

"Naruto!" The currently female blonde turned at the sound of...his...master's singsong tone. "It's you're favourite teacher! I'll teach you a heap of killer jutsu, if you just do me one _itty, bitty_ favour..." Naruto frowned, folding...her...arms to cover...his... breasts better.

"Want do you want, Pervy-sage?"

"Will you be mine?" Asked Jiraiya, dropping to one knee and holding out his hands. "I saw you in the baths this morning and you were just so sexy...I've never seen a woman so sexy, and I've seen a _lot_ of women." Naruto stared at her, no, HIS!, teacher in horror, surprise, consternation, and more horror.

"No way you freak!" Naruto shouted, punching Jiraiya in the mouth. For some reason, she seemed almost stronger as a girl, but that may have been the force of her feminine creep-disuasion abilities. (Every girl has it, even ones that are usually guys, it's probably part of our genes).Then, for good measure, she added another kick to his groin, grinning savagely. There was no way that this pervy-sage would be conducting any practical research any time soon, and it was great fun to watch him curled up in a foetal position, groaning with pain. Dusting her hands, Naruto gathered her clothes up. Aside from the naked thing, she could almost get to enjoy this...

Then, the jutsu released. Again. And Naruto abruptly went back to being a him, and realised, to his great distress, that he'd been thinking of himself as a herself. Oh ****

*

Sorry if there are errors, I don't have a spell-checker at the moment. Anyway, I was bored, so I decided I would make it longer, for everyone who's been reading, and especially those who have reviewed! ~Ratpigeon


	7. Chapter 7

Naruto sat down, looking at his, and now they really were _his _calloused, dirty _masculine_ hands, instead of the smooth, delicate and manicured previous version. This was bad. Sasuke loved him...that was just creepy, at least to the conciousness of Naruto's male mind - when he was in the Sexy Jutsu, it was an entirely different matter, on both sides. Pervy-sage _wanted_ him...which was just _wrong,_ and he seemed doomed to spend the rest of his life going from girl to boy, until one or the other got their hands on him. To make matters worse, Sakura was probably never going to like him now, and even _worse_, he didn't care.

"This is not cool..." Naruto put his head in his hands, his mercifully short blonde hair spilling between his fingers.

"um, Naruto?" Naruto looked up and saw HInata, standing by the road, looking as timid as ever. _She was such a weird girl_...Naruto flickered from boy to girl and back again, with three consecutive pops.

"Yes Hinata?" He asked, pretending nothing had happened as he watched her tap her index fingers together. He was trying to sound patient, he liked Hinata, despite the fact that she was totally weird, but it had been a trying twelve hours, and he was using up a lot of chakra, which made him hungry, which made him grumpy. Which made Hinata blush and stutter.

"N-nothing! I was just- Never mind! Um...I'll see you later." And with that, she turned and faded away from the road.

"Bye Hinata." Said Naruto to thin air, standing up and beginning to walk back to the Hidden Leaf Village. Hopefully he could get to Tsunade's office without any problems.

*

"Hey Boss!" Konohamoru shouted as he and his two friends...Sniffles and Blushy, or, as they preferred to be called, Udon and Moegi .

Naruto did a double take, he should have noticed the perfectly spherical bush sitting in the middle of the path, but he was too distracted. Ha felt control slipping out of his fingers, and heard half a pop sound before he managed to wrench his body back to its usual, male state.

"What?"

"You're not so slick today, huh, Boss? We coulda easily taken you out just then. You can't hope to be a worthy rival to me if you act like that!"

"Huh?" Naruto looked down at Konohamoru in confusion. _Rival for what?_

Hokkage! Naruto straightened, snapping out of his thoughts. How long since he'd reminded himself of his goal of being Hokkage? Too long! He couldn't rest in his quest for respect, no matter what!

Then again, it was hard to command any respect, or even courtesy, when you were parading around naked with boobs stuck on...and then, there was that pop again.

*

Is this getting kinda old for anyone? It's not being very original anymore... ~Ratpigeon


	8. Chapter 8

Konohamoru stared at Naruto in surprise, his eyes wide. Moegi sighed in..._envy_? Naruto didn't hang around to find out, leaping onto the nearest rooftop, and sprinting full pelt towards the Hokkage's office, small wisps of smoke trailing behind.

A useful trick was being discovered to avoid gender confusion - no gender-specific pronouns. It was working a treat.

"Grandma Tsunade!" Naruto called, barrelling through her office window. There was an ominous silence, and Naruto looked up from the tangle of skin, smoke, and long blonde hair. It seemed like all the Jonin in the village were there; Kakashi-sensei, Gai, Kurenai, Asuma, etc...

"...hi." Naruto felt a very warm blush creep up his cheeks, and stood up. "I'll just wait in the hall..." He said quickly, managing to get to the door in one jump, half a second before Tsunade's blistering anger.

Slamming the door shut on a tirade of threats, Naruto sighed. He'd just _had_ to walk on everyone planning the Chunin exams, and he knew that's what they'd be. And it was an exam that he had to pass this time. After all, he'd managed to pass the Genin exam in...well he hadn't passed _really_, but he should be able to get the Chunin exams done easy. After all, he had _Sasuke_ to help...Naruto quashed the thought, jumping up into the rafters so that no-one would see him. He still had some modesty, even after streaking back and forth across the village all morning. He was waiting for a while.

*

Kakashi stared at the door Naruto had left through, now he knew why Jiraiya had decided to keep Naruto on as a student. He thought at first that it must have been because of the Hokkage, but having live, portable porn...His hyand strayed to the little book in his pocket. No wonder the Sanin's latest publication was so good...

"What was that?" asked Gai, for once, at a loss for words.

"I think...that it was...Naruto" said Asuma, face red tinged. Gai just nodded, wihtout any of his brash and bold statements about the beauty and power of youth. Ironic, considering that the Jutsu had just managed to stun a roomful of Jonin, and was, indeed beautiful. Kakashi grinned, the expression under his mask enough to challenge Jiraiya's perviest leer. He should teach that jutsu to Sasuke, he'd always preferred black hair to blond.

"Asuma!" Kurenai slapped Asuma 'lightly', bringing the jonin back to the present, and also interrupting Kakashi's musings. Gai, always admirable in his focus, was still staring at some point in the middle of the air, a little below the level of Kakashi's chest.

"Huh? What?" asked Asuma, as if he'd been caught sleeping at an inappropriate time, which was nearly true. He was definitely dreaming.

"We have work to do."

"Right, sorry, Kurenai." Mumbled Asuma bashfully at the unappeased, red-eyed Jonin. Kakashi looked back at the Hokkage's desk, and saw an apparition of terror. The aura emanating from it was enough to break even Gai's determined trance, and set the bravest of Jonin trembling. Especially when magnified by the lesser threat from every female Jonnin in the room.

"Back to the Chunin exams..." said Tsunade, in a cheerful voice that belied the evil aura promising pain shining out as a visible aura of chakra from her entire body.

*

"Come in, Naruto." Tsunade called into the hall, and Naruto slipped into her office, rubbing a sore back. He'd been sitting in the rafters for hours, long enough to change back into a boy, a fact that was not missed by Tsunade.

"Oh, so you can wear clothes, and you were just attacking my office via the window with no clothes on for kicks." She said sarcastically, sitting down and glaring at him, brushing a flaxen ponytail back from her face.

"No, I was..." Naruto started desperately, trying not to compare Tsunade's ponytails to her own. He didn't have to finish, because his_ Jutsu _finished for him, changing him into a starkers, busty babe again.

"...Is this some kind of jokle?"

"NO! I can't control the jutsu! It's been doing this all day!" cried Naruto, in a perfect voice-imitation of a damsel in distress. THe effect was spoiled by Tsunade busting into hysterical laughter.

"Shut up! It's not funny!" wailed Naruto, and, surprisingly, it had an instant effect. Tsunade stopped laughing in a heartbeat., and her face assumed an icy calm that radiated out through the room. Naruto half expected his face to freeze off, as he changed back into a boy with that telltale pop, knees _not_ quivering, at all..

"Did you just tell me to shut up?" Tsunade asked quietly, smiling and cracking her knuckles.

*

The following scenes have been censored for violence. Please come back next Chapter! It will only be posted if I actually get reviews though...(hint hint)~Ratpigeon

*


	9. Chapter 9

Naruto crawled out of the bush he'd landed in. He hurt everywhere. Tsunade was _evil_. She'd spent about five minutes bouncing him off the walls, then, when he theatened to get blood on her papers, she'd tossed him out the way he'd come - through the window.

Naruto lay panting for a minute, as the nine-tailed fox healed the worst of his injuries. Naruto was eternally greatful to Tsunade though - she'd kept it above the belt.

"Naruto!" Naruto looked up from his brief respite. It was Sasuke. Not good...well, maybe a _little_ good, but-

"I just wanted to say sorry for the way I acted before. It's not your fault, you've always been pathetic with yourcontrol, and it must have just slipped." Sasuke said, squatting down and stroking Naruto's forehead. Naruto was still in too much pain to be able to move, but he'd broken the laws of physics before, and was getting ready to do it again with a lightspeed sprint away from Sasuke. But his hands were so warm, maybe it wasn't _so_ bad...Damn the Sexy Jutsu!!! Sasuke continued, unaware of Naruto's inner turmoil. The Sharingan wasn't so great after all, apparently... "I know it's a lot to handle, Naruto, but together, we can handle anything, and I really love you, Naruto!" Naruto blinked, as Deja vu took over. Only this time, he didn't pop into his sexy jutsu, he opted for the speed of light sprint. It would have worked too, except that somehow Sasuke was faster, and managed to pin him to the tree.

"I know you love me too Naruto! I've seen you looking at me. Don't worry, we can be happy together. Nothing will stand in our way!"

Except that I'm not gay... thought Naruto desperately. The only reason he had been looking at Sasuke was to try and figure out why Sakura (and his sexy jutsu, who for the sake of convenience, he was going to call onna-des - lady) liked him. Naruto didn't say that though, because there was a manic gleam in Sasuke's eye.

"Naruto! You cruel ungrateful student! I teach you everything I know and you kick me! That was cheap! And imagine what effect it'll have on you, when you become my sexy lover." Naruto looked up as Jiraiya came into view, limping and angry. "Now that you've finally decided to be a real woman for your Sensei." Naruto was not sure when he'd agreed to that...

"_Your_ lover?" Sasuke asked his voiuce dangerous and quiet. "You're a pedophile, Naruto is a boy, and Naruto is going to be _my_ lover!" Naruto hadn't agreed to that either...

"Fine I'll fight you for her." Jiraya said, crossing his arms. "There's no way you can hope to defeat the Toad mountain Sage!"

"I Think you should just go by mountain." said Sasuke wryly, dropping into a defensive stance, and looking Jiraiya's not inconsiderable bulk up and down derisively.

"Why you-"

"Weren't we fighting?" Sasuke asked, pulling out a huge black shuriken and grinning evily. Naruto decided to take this fortunate chance to escape. Unfortunatey, he was noticed.

*

I'm just writing opn a wing now, I have no real plot left, so I'll just keep making junk up until people stop reviewing. ~Ratpigeon.


	10. Chapter 10

I have been told that plot was coming in, but though I looked, I couldn't find it. Whatever it was, it probably won't get much development because this is the last chapter! Really. Anyway, I know that this story has been largely - entirely - Naruto-centric, and Naruto has just been spotted trying to escape the scene of his would-be-lovers battle for his favour, but first we will go back a bit, and look at what Sakura has done since she stalked off to find Ino waaaay back in Chapter five. Okay? Good.

P.S. I added some stuff to Chapter Eight, namely the thoughts of the Jonin after Narutos' appearance.

*

"Ino! Let me in!" Sakura banged on the door to Ino's room, outwardly calm as she smiled at In's mother, but inwardly seething. _THat Naruto...When I get my hands on him he is going to be so sorry, he'll be gathering his teeth up with a dustpan..._

"What is it, Billboard brow?" asked Ino, opening her door and yawining.

"Sasuke's chosen someone."

"What?" THe blonde Kunoichi dragged Sakura into her bedroom, complete with extensive Sasuke paraphernalia and sat her down on the bed. "Who? Tell me everything. Is she good enough for him, or do we still have a chance?"

"He chose Naruto."

There was a deafening silence in the room, as Ino's eyes grew wider and wider. but it was a brief calm, because after about ten seconds of eternity, an ear-piercing, window-shattering, house-quaking shriek ruptured the sound barrier and fled out across the village hidden in the leaves.

"WHAAAT???!!!"

After hearing returned, Sakura and Ino resumed their conference.

"This is not acceptable. We have to stop it."

"I know, I know, but how? Naruto is an idiot, but he's a tough idiot."

"Sakura, we're mobilising every Sasuke Fangirl in the Village to take Naruto down. And fetch any-" Ino paused to shiver, "Naruto Fangirls, they can help too."

"I'll get Rock Lee too. He'd love to put his skills to the test again."

"Good idea. Now, lets go!" THe two girls nodded to each other, and vanished, each going to spread the news through the secret communicationchannels of the Sasuke fandom.

*

"Naruto! Get your butt back here!" Shouted Sasuke and Jiraiya in unison. Naruto turned and glared at them, beginning a complex series of hand movements.

"_Rasengan_!" He shouted, and the spiralling energy lashed out, targeting Jiraiya. before it had even hit, Naruto began a second _Rasengan_ for Sasuke. Both shots hit the amorous Ninja squarely in the stomach, and they collapsed with a gasp. Naruto glared at them, folding his arms.

"Listen to me. the both of you. My name is Naruto Uzumaki, I _will_ be the next Hokkage,_ I am a boy, I am not gay, and I will never become either of your lovers!!!" _Naruto finished with a punch in his fist for emphasis, and, due to how irritated he was, nearly sprained his wrist. He was just about to leave when he heard an ominous rumble sound.

"To the Power of Youth!"

Turning to look, he saw a huge dustcloud of long hair and dresses, headed by Ino, Sakura and Rock Lee.

"Die Naruto!!!" Howled the rest of the horde of angry Kunoichi (and some particularly devout Sasuke fangirls from our very own Earth - not many though, because it didn't include the Sasuke-Naruto fangirls).

"Oh ****" Naruto said, backing away. "Uh, Sasuke, Pervy-sage, would the two of you mind giving me a hand?" Naruto didn't get an answer though, the two of them were nearly dead from his _Rasengan_.

"Um..E-excuse me, Naruto?" Naruto could have laughed in delight when he heard Hinata's quiet voice.

"Hinata! I didn't see you there! You can help me escape!"

"Um... actually, N-naruto, I'm not here to help you..._Jyuuken_!" Hinata said, surrounding her hands with Chakra as she attacked, her Byakugan coming into effect as well.

Thus, Naruto is idefeated by the combined force of the Sasuke Fangirl squad (1368 members) The Naruto fangirl squad (1 member) and Rock Lee, the one and only. The tale of his defeat is so horrible and unbelievable, it quickly passes into legend. And like all legend, there are rumours saying that it never actually happened, or, that Naruto Uzumaki was spared from death by the Nine-tailed fox demo, and has taken on a new identity, far, far away.

*

"One bowl of Ramen please!" The owner of the Ichiraku Ramen's eyes bulged, as he saw who had walked into the shop. She seemed slightly familiar, but he had no idea whee he'd seen her before. She was tanned an curvy, with long blond hair up in two ponytails, and a short, sleeveless orange dress with a black shirt and leggings under. On each cheek under her sunny blue eyes, where three short black lines.

"C-coming right up." He said, turning to his stove.

Naruto Uzumaki sat down, revelling in the familiar smell. It had been three years, but now, he was back, he was stronger, and he was ready for revenge...and he even had the perfect disguise in his _Sexy Jutsu_, now with clothes on!

The Sasuke fangirl squad would pay, and Sasuke would become Naruto's.

*

The end! I came up with a reason for the Sexy Jutsu random gender change, but if you want to know, you have to review and ask. Otherwise, you can use your imagination.


	11. Chapter 11

Okay, now, i know that this story has quite a few reviews, and people who read it etc, soo I decided to continue it, but I'm making a sequel. Just thought that anyone with this story on their alerts/favourites would like to know. It's set around the epilogue, with maybe some flashbacks to just after the last chapter. Please enjoy it and review it.

~ratpigeon.


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